Wacky Emails & Voicemails

Most of it is spam, some of it is important, some of it is from thieves, and some comes from people who, to put it gently, are a few nuggets short of a Happy Meal.

We've decided to share some of our favorites. They're all genuine, but we removed some names to protect the misguided, the bewildered, and the language-impaired.

AWARD-WINNING WACKOS:

►Dear Sir/Maddam, With regards to you and your company,am (name ) from USA(PA)and will like to make an enquiry on (_ SINGLE NEEDLE POST TOOS .Advise back with their models and their prices of each model that you have instock.I will also need your location and your payment options in order to proceed with this order.Thank you. (We have no idea what single needle post toos are.)

►Will you please oblize me to ask your Indian counter part to contact me and can supply your product in New Delhi, India. (We have no counter part or counterpart in India and we don't know how to oblize, or what product he wants.)

►Please send all info on the warless phones. (We've heard Southerners pronounce it that way, but never thought people actually spell it like that.)

►Hi, I was wondering if you have these Telephones like the red one on the screen with the hearing advice on the receiver and what would be the price? Or can you just buy the receiver with the hearing advice.

►price on phone (Which phone?)

►Dear Sir/Madam,
I am Mr. Ail Mohammed.
I wish to explain things to you which is all about business
Kindly let me know if I will be permitted to write you in details. (His first name is probably Ali, not Ail, but either way, we weren't interested.)

►Where can I get a wall mount, red, no dial phone in Vancouver Canada? (We're more than 3,000 miles away. We have no idea who in Vancouver sells phones or cars or dog food or anything else. And even if we did know, we would not recommend a competitor.)

►How are you today? I hope you are fine.If so thank be to God almigthy.My name is (deleted),26 years from Liberia in West Africa.I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who care whom i can partner with .I don't care about your colour or ethnicity.I would like to know you more,most especially what you like and what you dislike.I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness. I am looking forward to hear from you. Thanks and be blessed.

►We are firmly grounded in technology by right of excellent teams and inflexible pursued spirit of working with perseverance. Meanwhile, We know the profound signification of cooperation deeply, so we are always not lack of intimate comrades in arms, no matter on the groping way of technology or in the competing market. (Deleted) regards "meticulosity" as the basic principle of business management, and has built up strict quantity management system, efficient operating mechanism and advanced encouragement mechanism with scientific attitude and method, particularly in the product quantity management aspect.

Innovation: Soul of our improvement, life of our science and technology
Meticulosity: principle for handling affairs, quality guarantee of our products

►DEAR SIR,

I AM CAPT. (deleted), A SOMALIAN PILOT.FORMALY WORKING WITH THE IRAQ NATIONAL OIL COMPANY,NOW I AM FLYING FOR UNITED NATION IN IRAQ. CURRENTLY MY FAMILY IS IN SOUTH AFRICA, SINCE THE WAR STARTED IN IRAQ.

WE MANAGED TO MOVE FUNDS BELONGING TO SADDAM HUSSEIN FAMILY IN 2005. THE TOTAL AMOUNT IS US$8.5 MILLION DOLLARS IN CASH, MOSTLY 100 DOLLAR-BILLS, THIS MONEY HAS BEEN KEPT SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE BAGHDAD FOR SOMETIME BUT, THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN TR00P, HAS BEEN CALLED TO STATES, THE NEW MAN HAS NO IDEAR OF THIS FUND.NOW I AM THE ONLY PILOT WHO KNOWS ABOUT THIS DEAL AND WHERE THE MONEY IS KEPT IN THE UN WARE HOUSE.IT WAS IN THIS RESPECT I CONTACTED YOU,If you CAN RECEIVE THIS MONEY AND we USE IT FOR A Joint INVESTMENT IN YOUR COMPANY.

ONCE YOU ARE INTERESTED, CONTACT ME THROUGH EMAIL IMMEDIATELLY.PLEASE IF YOU KNOW OF ANY GOOD BUSINESS YOU THINK WE CAN DO TOGETHER, JUST LET ME KNOW. SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU MORE INFORMATIONS.

►Your company was introduce to us by one of our client in UK and we are really captivated by the quality of the various items saw in your website that were displayed in your website and also the attractiveness of almost all these goods to virtually everybody. As a big store in cairo Egypt, we have been looking forward to getting a company like you that sale variety of quality items like this and that will be ready to supply a large number of such items sold in our departmental store. This of course, gives us the oppurunity of getting almost all we need easily from your website and convenietly from one source.

Being a highly patronised store , we usually and frequently place very large order sometimes for the various goods we order for in other to meet customer demands from time to time .
And to let you know that our mode of payment will be our credit card We hope to have favourable business relations with you and we are also looking to hear from you as soon as possible

►Dear Sir or Madam,
Thank you for your interest in our N.T.I GLOBAL CO.,LTD's  products during the HK Electronics Fair 2006Autumn Edition (13th-16th October,2006),But unfortunately you just had a short talk with our CEO Ki Hwan,Han,you both had no enough time to discuss in detail. Now we are emailing to you according to your name card and wish to find if there is some possibilities to do business with you. (We've never been to Hong Kong and never spoke to Ki Hwan Han.)

►I found a phone on the street. The incoming volume is low and people say they can't hear me speak. It rings most of the time. It is blue. How much tradein will you allow me on anew butt set

►My name is (deleted). I have Panasonic cordless phone. I don't know the model number. Can u please send me the user manual?

►As a mother of 4 daughters, I can't tell you how many times I have been grateful for your company and the family friendly clothing you have provided especially for preteens and teens. Recently, however, I have been disappointed, not only in the thong and other suggestive underwear displayed in your OKC store- which I might ad is right next to the children's wear- but also in the underwear commercial which you have now been airing on the TV Land channel. TV Land is our favorite channel because when we go there, we can be sure that what we view will be family friendly. Your latest commercial showing scantily clad models in suggestive poses is a source of great concern to me. You have a company that is solid and has always been there for the family. Please reconsider the direction you are taking with your advertising. Families need a friend that they can count on. I hope you'll prove to be the friend that you have always been. (We're not JCPenney.)

►can you please e-mail me about how to construct a walkie talkie ? i will be very grateful to you if you do so. thanking you

►i will like you to direct me to your website to place my order, looking forward to your response. (The writer got our email address from our website.)

►Please send this fone for free i shell be very thankful to your company Please Please Please Thank u !

►Before its too late make peace with GOD, and make sure the ones you love do also. You need to pick between a eternity of joy or one of torment. Accept him. Repent. Get baptized. And have a nice eternity. In grubby we can poland as always sarah serenade theirfore woodside is polo and schoolwork.

► Hello, I would like to know if any of your phones (specifically, Dterm SeriesE) contains any of the following chemicals: Mercapto Mix, Carba Mix, p-tert Butylphenol, Formaldehyde Resin, Thiuram Mix, Mercaptobenzothiazole, Colophony, Epoxy Resin. Thanks. (Mercapto Mix and Carba Mix sound like stuff sold in a health foods store. Thiuram Mix is probably served in the cafeteria on the Starship Enterprise. Colophony might be the scientific term for a musical fart. We're not sure about the rest, and we don't sell Dterm phones.)

►If you are a lesbian and you can't find your better half, if you lack attention and love, if you can't find understanding with other girls and you want to change your life, please, read this. Now you have a fantastic chance to start your new life, saving from all your problems and hang-ups.
If you want to:
- Change your life;
- Save from your problems and hang-ups;
- Become more sexually attractive for other girls;
- Meet more beautiful women, without any problems;
- Grab all the attention;
- Increase your self-confidence;
- Get approached by another lezzies far more often;
- Make a fantastic impression every day and hour - You have a chance to do this now!
Alpha-Pheromone perfume - it is a unique way to change your life. It is a perfume for sexual attraction of humans of the opposite sex. Now, we propose you an excellent possibility to order Alpha-Pheromone perfume to attract lesbians! You will forget all your problems with your single life! You can order Alpha-Pheromone perfume even if you live in the backwoods, because our delivery works in the whole world! (None of the men who work in our office are lesbians.)

►According to the informations found at your website, I’m sending you this mail. We are in search of Binaural Headset for our Call-Center. We shall be very thankful if you can pursue the details ASAP. Please inform us if we can have a demo of your product. (He's in India; we're in the US.)

►I'm mrs naomi jean by name a us based business mogul, i have problem in ordering items from your website , i need your helps in sending these items to my branch office in nigeria, the items are 5 sony ericsson p910i,5plantronics headset and 5 sony ericson k750i i will pay you through my HSBC account. The address of my office in nigeria is (deleted), the name of my manager there is mr akinfolayan kayode i want you to use register mail in transfering these items to nigeria,in your reply i want you to send your bank accunt to me in for my manager to see these goods within 48 hrs. Thanks for your coperation, regard, naomi jean.

►I'm customers from Singapore country and want to make business with you. I get looking interest for some your product because my company user for that and want to build small business office (trading shop) in my city. So maybe you could help me to find and supply the best about this. If you accepted this request PLEASE TO CONFIRM BACK and i will back to send you about product for my order. Awaiting for your comment to above answers and proposals, hope we've be able to deal with your company in near future as well. And i hope you can be responsible.
But before a place my order to purchase I would ask you regarding the product.
- Do have international business and do you ship to Southeast Asia / Singapore country ?
- Do you accept for overseas order ?
- Do you accept and take payment by credit card ( Visa/Mastercard ) by manual debit electric payment to process the transaction ? 
 We can not accept PayPal and Bidpay or other Net Media system  " ( because my company livin in Southeast Asia and all that net system maybe can't accept my card autorization )
- Could you despact the order by Federal Express , UPS Express method ?

►hello seller. i found your item it look nice pls let me know if is still for sale and if is still in a good condition let me know how many you have for sale and tell me why you want to sell it (She didn't tell us what she wants to buy, or why she needs to know why we want to sell it)

►I am (name deleted), i was bore and breeded in stillwater,oklahoma,USA.  I am presently in Nigeria for business activities but i will like to purchase 2 tone generators from you which i want it to be shipped to NIGERIA. I have called my bank [WELLSFARGO] in US and they are ready to transfer the money to anybody who want to sell the tone generators to me. So if you are interested with this mode of payment and to ship it to Nigeria. PLEASE REPLY TO THIS MAIL THANKS ALOT.

►Good Day, This is (name deleted) we are here to inform you that our Store is interested in some of your product, so we shall be buying it at the BUY IT NOW PRICE, and our method of payment is Bidpay Money Order ,and about the shipment we shall be handling that with our Company Fedex or DHL Shipping account Number, Note that the Item is needed urgently this week. So answer this few Question before we proceed for the payment, 1. Is the items in good Condition? 2. Can we return the Items back to you if we don't like is working Condition? 3. How many quantity of the Item did you have? 4. Can we trust you with the word of your mouth and your Business? So get back to us now with your Name, address, quantity of product available and the last price for the Unit so that we can send one of our Client out now for the Payment. (We have no "buy it now price," and this wacko didn't tell us what he wants to buy.)

►Hello. I am interested in your advertised(product) that as been posted on the ad.Note that i based in new zealand and my shipping agency will be coming for the pick up and i will like to read from you if you can accept payment by usa casheir,s check which my creditor that owed me will be sending to you on my behalf.  If this is okay by you do get back to me immediately  with your full name,contact address and your home and cell phone number so as to forward it to my creditor for him to issue and send the cheque in your name and send the pics to me and the condition of the items also the firm price via e-mail. Looking  forward to read from you soonest. Regard (We have no "ad," and this wacko didn't tell us what he wants to buy.)

►Unfortunately I have to inform you that your WEB site is the worst I seeing for placing an order, been trying to place an order and is impossible.

►hi i was wanting to know where to buy the First Bill &Ted Movie. I Found it on amazon.com but it was the spanish version, i want the english one help please.
(We don't sell movies.)

►why is it that the panasonic cell phones dont have access to ringtones, or are not allowed to have ringtones sent to them? please answere my question and If you dont reply then you are disrespecting the people that may also have the same questions regarding these phones! Panasonic Mobile phones!

►To, RESPECTED PERSON,While watching the computer I saw a COMPUTER SOUND CARD on your web site. I am a student studying in first year science and have become keen intersted in the same CARD,but being a financial position I can not afford and purchase it.I shall be very thankful, if you kindly send me the same CARD (NEW OR USED)free of charge. I hope you will send a CARD. I am waiting for your reply. (There are no sound cards on any of our websites.)

►I have tried everything but can't get a dial tone on my 2 line NWBell 26510-phone from you folks. Need some tech support or instructions on returning the unit. Only paper I have is the Packing Slip which doesn't have an order number. (He did NOT buy it from us, and we DON'T sell NWBell phones.)

► Im looking for a piece of hold music. It is used for AOL hold music and bars are used on GE appliance schedualling.  It starts with  drums and has progressive strings in it. Can you tell me what the name of this would be?

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